Needing more

My body feels sore. Too sore. Upon waking up earlier, I felt like a rock. Plus, the weather is still cold. 'Til now I feel cold.

Rehearsal last night was a killer. I took two classes before it, did my dance several times, and did conditioning exercises while waiting for our turn to be taught new choreography. It didn't help that my jazz teacher and choreographer has a very brash personality and my partner in my pas des deux has not danced in around 8 months and is not too keen about getting back in shape thinking she can dance like she used too.

Usually, things work out in the end. So I will be patient, yet again. I will suggest more classes to my partner and prod her to go. As for my choreographer, I have to remain silent. He doesn't like it when people give suggestions regarding his choreography. What he wants should be what everyone wants.

Why is that? That shouldn't be the case. We aren't robots. I respect his decisions and the fact that this is his show, but no one is infallible. And it is our bodies that are dancing. It is our show, too. Sometimes, he expects us to dance like him or some other dancer. But it will never be the case. Even if I have been dancing as long as they have, I will never dance like they do nor do I want to. I have my own personality and a different physique. And my dancing will always be my own. I can dance as part of the ensemble, but that doesn't mean that I use my body the same way as the others do. Achieving the same result in dance requires different processes for different bodies.

This brings me to a discussion of how people perceive and deal with art. My choreographer is so caught up with the fact that we are the first to dance at Ayala Museum surrounded by all the art works. I mean, true, it is a great honor. But art goes beyond that. You do not need to be in that environment to produce something beautiful. Art must be able to stand on it's own. Of course, being surrounded by so much more art heightens the senses and exhilarates the soul. And for the opportunity, I am grateful.

Second, Art must be nurturing. The brash style of my choreographer feels oppressive. Even, the way he deals with us in class is like he wants us to dance like him. His class lacks exploration of the body, soul, and heart; And correction lacks the guiding hand of a mother or father. The whole goal of a dance class is to allow the students to explore the different uses of the body. This understanding allows the body, when it needs to be done, to do what it needs to do with efficiency to be able to express and transcend the steps of the choreography. He doesn't even give full class, sometimes, selling us short. How can you dance when your body is not ready? You can only give back what you have been given. Most of my co-dancers under him have either quit his classes or take other classes in ballet and with other jazz teachers along with his like I do. Don't get me wrong. His classes have helped me. I enjoy them. But I need more. I just don't know if he realizes that.

I feel like I need to expand my horizons. But where can I go? There is not much going for the Arts here in the Philippines. I actually gave up a musical theater gig for this dance show. I feel it is the right decision. Everything will come at the right time. I will make myself ready.