Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Thin Circles

I am not thin. I am lean and I am muscular. But I am not thin.

Unfortunately, at Ballet Philippines, everyone is thin. Correction. Has to be thin and dark. Never mind dark. But thin. I can go in circles.

June 2006, when I came to CCP, I was 168 lbs. I 've gone down to 155lbs since late last year and it hasn't changed much since. I look leaner though. My muscles are longer. My quads are more stretched. But I am still 155lbs with a size 30 waistline. I'm the heaviest albeit 2nd to the tallest in the company. And I have the biggest waistline.

My friends think I'm the thinnest thing. Especially if you knew me when I was huge. But in our world... yes, the cruel world of dance... I am not thin.

I need to lose more weight without sacrificing my strength and my desire for food, food, food. This is not easy. Well, nothing is. Being big. Being thin. Being normal. Again, I can go in circles.

Did I just lose you there?

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Rock, Rock, Rock

I was in line at a fastfood chain and in front of me was a family of three. A father, a mother and their child. The mother was paying for their tab when in an irritated tone she asked for money from her son. The child didn't want to give it but he opened his palm and handed over a crumpled twenty peso bill. The kid was quite forlorn. The father found it funny. I was aghast at a mother getting her son's money. It all became clear in an instant. Apparently, the kid ripped the bill apart in his precociousness. And the mother had to ask the cashier if they would still accept a torn bill. For the fastfood chain, it wasn't a problem. For the kid, it was a bad feeling. He looked up and innocently said "Sorry, ma." The mother's demeanor turned around instantly and, in all motherly glory, she utters "It's ok, anak."

Mother's Rock!

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Last weekend, I was at Batangas with Ballet Philippines. On our second night, I joined Karla in sleeping on the beach front and under the stars on one of those long beach chairs. She was asleep two hours before I decided to join her. I fell asleep with only a sarong for a blanket. I was too tired to go back in the house and get a decent blanket and pillow for myself. Close to sunrise, I awoke and found a real blanket covering me. I didn't know who put it on me. It just felt good to have a blanket against the cold. I found out on our trip home that Karla saw me sleeping without a blanket. So she got up and got me one. Then, she went back to sleep.

Friends Rock!

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I have not been updating my blog because I am constantly at CCP for classes, rehearsals and shows. I got through Ballet Philippines' EspaƱa Extension and our School's Quarterly Evaluation program in one magnificent piece as both dancer and production assistant. But after March 31, I will no longer be production assistant to concentrate on my dancing. We will be renewing our contracts as dancers soon, too. And I am praying that I will be promoted to Company member. People think it may be too soon. But, hey, I became apprentice before I expected it to happen. And I know I have what it takes. So, I am believing hard.

Dancing Rocks!