Thin Circles

I am not thin. I am lean and I am muscular. But I am not thin.

Unfortunately, at Ballet Philippines, everyone is thin. Correction. Has to be thin and dark. Never mind dark. But thin. I can go in circles.

June 2006, when I came to CCP, I was 168 lbs. I 've gone down to 155lbs since late last year and it hasn't changed much since. I look leaner though. My muscles are longer. My quads are more stretched. But I am still 155lbs with a size 30 waistline. I'm the heaviest albeit 2nd to the tallest in the company. And I have the biggest waistline.

My friends think I'm the thinnest thing. Especially if you knew me when I was huge. But in our world... yes, the cruel world of dance... I am not thin.

I need to lose more weight without sacrificing my strength and my desire for food, food, food. This is not easy. Well, nothing is. Being big. Being thin. Being normal. Again, I can go in circles.

Did I just lose you there?