Yesterday, I told my best friend I have to marry rich. That's never been the case for me. I totally regretted saying that to him. I wanna marry someone stable and self-sufficient. But it doesn't matter whether the person drives a BMW or just takes the train.
I commute. So, what is wrong with that? I have a group of friends that come from affluent families. And there is this one particular person, a friend of my best friend who is too annoying. One particular night, he even went as far as saying that he would rather be sad so long as he's got lotsa money. THE NERVE! I was cringing in my seat. Half-smiling. Half-stopping myself from walking out.
Come on?! How shallow can one get?!? There are times when they pick on people less fortunate than they are in terms of bank accounts. I just cringe. So what if the person drives a sentra or an L300? There was a time when all our family had was an L300. But that does not discount the fact that the "poor" are people, too. The fact that you drive an exped or even have a driver, shop in NY, wear ten thousand peso shirts, and have thousand peso dinners does not in any way make you any better than the jeep riding, cubao shopping, value-meal-for-dinner person. And it's not like they have some noble cause. Their dreams are to be flamboyant and the toast of town. Nothing noble. Just thinking of themselves. To think, they didn't even work for their money. The sweat of their parents paid and pays for all their vices. Good thing, I don't see them often. My sensibilities would go haywire and my patience might not be long enough. I can't keep turning my other cheek.
But maybe I'm wrong. Deep down inside, maybe, they are better persons. I know rich people who are real for me. And they are only few. Maybe, I just misunderstand them. Or am jealous. I don't know any better. Only time will tell. I still enjoy their company, sometimes, especially when they let their guard down.
Yeah, I wished I had lotsa money. Who does not? It makes living totally easier. Things you want and need to propel you forward in life within your grasp. I wished my grandfather didn't lose his fortune and I'd be like them. But last night, I was on a jeep home. A 12 peso ride compared to a 160 peso cab ride. I was beside someone who looked like he had to do overtime and couldn't keep his eyes open. I was facing someone who was in a muddied pair of shoes. I was across another who I could see was counting how much he had left. Maybe, their goals in life are crap. Maybe, they would have held the jeep up if they could. Who knows? All I felt was that these people were more human. More real.
For now, I will crawl back in my hole. Not because of the anyone. But because, I need time for myself. I've been emotionally wrought the past three months, and that is not healthy. Maybe, I was destined to be single forever. My only love affair, my art.
I will be part of the masses, trudging on, taking the jeep, wearing 300 peso shirts, having value-meal-dinners. Beautiful. Inside. Out. A star burning bright against the evening sky. Making people look up. Necks straining. Making them smile. Giving light. Leading them to what they seek. Or, at least, try.
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