I'm not a fan of diaries nor journals. I've attempted innumerable times to start one but all these attempts have failed. Instead, what I have are several unfinished journals with poetry here and there. Maybe this will work. Maybe this will be a repository of all my musings, rants and raves, frustrations, joys, and what-have-you's. Maybe it'll just contain poetry. Maybe this'll be my first and last entry... Well, I hope not.
Hope. That's the only thing that keeps me going. After college, I vowed that I would never become like the many jaded fools going about their lives. Jaded about careers. Jaded about God. Jaded about Love. But two years later, here i am. At the crossroads of my career as a performing artist.. and in Manila of all places! Grappling with my faith. And I just ended my first relationship. I still have hope. Or, at least, I hope I do.
Funny how life gets crazier by the day, by the minute. I've often wanted to be just crazy and happy go lucky, but i can't bring myself to be just that. Sometimes, I've wanted to be ignorant. At least, with being ignorant, if you commit something stupid, you wouldn't know.
With knowledge comes respnsibility. Don't waste your talents. Be good stewards of little things and you will be given bigger things.... All these resound in my head. Right now I sound heavy and serious. Argh!
You know this feels good. Just rambling on. I could just go on and on and on and on.
Lately, I haven't been able to release myself of emotions. I haven't been to dance class nor dancing seriously in over two weeks. Maybe I should do a short work-out later before going to my relatives who i don't really care for... like they care about me. ok, i will stop wallowing... well, at least i had fun christmas shopping and wrapping up gifts. The challenge of wrapping gifts in ingenuous ways has kept me busy. Although i think my lower back didn't like it.
I never breakdown. My defenses are too good for that. And this journal/blog/whatever seems to be a good i dea... Who in their right mind would want to breakdown? I would. But, maybe, I'm not in my right mind...
1 comment:
ok, i dont' have a blog account yet....hehe...i'm too lazy to make one. :)
I see this blog thing is really good for you. It's like you're really letting your defenses down here, what with all the things you have to do, have to be, want to do and want to be. I hear its called the tension of opposites. i wish i had something so enlightening to tell you, but as of now, all i can promise is that i'll always be your friend, i believe in you, and i love you.:) i'm hoping that's enough....oh, and another thing...God has never left my side, never leaves my questions unanswered, and never lets me forget that he loves me...He's always a great guy to turn to at the end of the day. it may not always feel like its enough, but perhaps that's because we don't let ourselves truly feel or understand HIs love....at least that's what my theo teacher says..and that's what i like to believe.
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