It has been a year and a half since I decided to be a full-fledged dancer. Today, I am known in the dance world as PJ the actor. The inverse is true in theater where I am known as PJ the dancer.
Again, I am at a crossroad. There are roles in theater that I can play. I have been asked time and again to go back to acting by various groups and people. This year's West Side Story seems to be a great opportunity to come back. But I have made a commitment to dance until I can.
At Ballet Philippines, I have been an apprentice for a year and have defied the odds. I am a late starter and, yet, am proving my worth as a dancer. This week I am faced with another battle. We have two new artistic directors and for this season the apprentices have to audition against outsiders for slots as company member.
I am scared shitless. If I am not promoted to company member, does this mean that I will have to be apprentice for yet another year? Even if i get lead roles, am I not qualified to be company member? Is all my hard work and all the sacrifices not good enough? Should I re-evaluate my decision to be a dancer?
I want to be company member so bad. I know that I have what it takes but lately I feel inadequate. This is the first time in my life that I have felt this way. I've always believed in myself and my capabilities. I think the past year under Bam has affected this belief. But I cannot blame him. I have to be strong for myself.
I'm going in with a fight. My weapon's are my soul, my sincerity and my passion. In every step, leap and turn, I hope the truth of each moment comes alive. And, if my technique and dancing are not good enough, at least, I'll know, I gave all that I could.
I've risked a lot for my dancing career. I hope and pray that I make it. As they say in Economics, the bigger the risk, the greater the reward. And, if I fall, it'll be hard. Then, I'll get up again.
5 comments:
I don't know you personally but reading your blog entries it seems like you are a terrific dancer naman, and very dedicated to boot.
I say just go for it.
thanks. i always go for it. or at least try :P
I agree with ihcahieh, just go for it. And, having seen you perform, I happen to KNOW you're a terrific dancer.
The very best of luck to you.
i didn't make it. there were only four slots.
no one can win every battle. but it's not over. I will still take something good out of this.
hey britinmanila, I thought you had something to ask or tell me via e-mail. I have not received it yet...
thanks for the encouragement from both you and ihcahieh. I feel blessed. :P
I haven't been here for a long time. And, re-reading makes me nostalgic. I did make it. A few weeks later, I was promoted. Now, I am a full-fledged dancers. Dreams. Come. True.
Post a Comment