Advice

"The best way to look at every scenario (be it good or bad) is as a blessing."

-Quoted from my mom from a conversation we had yesterday while I was yayo to my nephew

Win or Lose

I always believed in the phrase "try and try until you succeed." In some instances, reality creeps in and reveals that one may not succeed. And defeat has to be accepted. Hard work does not always beget great rewards and the circumstances that surround play an enormous role in a person's triumphs. I am not downplaying the importance and value of hard work and integrity. I am merely stating that sometimes, despite all efforts, the battle may be lost.

I am in a battle right now where the circumstances are not in my favor. I knew this from the get go and have fought against the odds. Several triumphs and one major defeat later, I am at a cross roads. Other avenues are opening up where I can see rewards lined up (of course not without their own battles) that tempt me to re-evaluate the road I have chosen to take. Both roads, staying and leaving, offer their own benefits and risks.

I have one week to decide my fate. It is a decision only I can make. There is no right or wrong choice. Just one choice. After that, there is no turning back. Win or lose.

Ballet Philippines Audition

Auditions for Ballet Philippines
Slots open for Company Member and Apprentice

When: May 15, 2008
Where: CCP Rehearsal Hall
Bring: Dance Attire, Ladies Pointe Shoes and Bio
Sheet

For information call 8323689 or e-mail balletphilippines@pldtdsl.net

Note: Callbacks will be on May 16

Dancer's Monologue

It has been a year and a half since I decided to be a full-fledged dancer. Today, I am known in the dance world as PJ the actor. The inverse is true in theater where I am known as PJ the dancer.

Again, I am at a crossroad. There are roles in theater that I can play. I have been asked time and again to go back to acting by various groups and people. This year's West Side Story seems to be a great opportunity to come back. But I have made a commitment to dance until I can.

At Ballet Philippines, I have been an apprentice for a year and have defied the odds. I am a late starter and, yet, am proving my worth as a dancer. This week I am faced with another battle. We have two new artistic directors and for this season the apprentices have to audition against outsiders for slots as company member.

I am scared shitless. If I am not promoted to company member, does this mean that I will have to be apprentice for yet another year? Even if i get lead roles, am I not qualified to be company member? Is all my hard work and all the sacrifices not good enough? Should I re-evaluate my decision to be a dancer?

I want to be company member so bad. I know that I have what it takes but lately I feel inadequate. This is the first time in my life that I have felt this way. I've always believed in myself and my capabilities. I think the past year under Bam has affected this belief. But I cannot blame him. I have to be strong for myself.

I'm going in with a fight. My weapon's are my soul, my sincerity and my passion. In every step, leap and turn, I hope the truth of each moment comes alive. And, if my technique and dancing are not good enough, at least, I'll know, I gave all that I could.

I've risked a lot for my dancing career. I hope and pray that I make it. As they say in Economics, the bigger the risk, the greater the reward. And, if I fall, it'll be hard. Then, I'll get up again.