My life is in a spiral. On one hand, it's doing pretty well. On the other, it's a mess. My dancing, my artistry, my career, my relationship with my peers and my family life are on the fast track and bearing fruit. My bank account and my relationship with my non-artist friends is in limbo.
I think my financial standing will turn good once I become company and once I get used to the Ballet Philippines (BP) scheme of things. But what I am having a hard time dealing with is the fact that I can't always be physically present for my college and pre-dancing friends.
Recently, my friend offered to fund my Singapore trip. I really wanna go, but I can't until about April. At that time, he'll be in Manila. So, what's the point of going there? I said June would be better for me. Turns out, it may not be the case. I may be joing to the US for 2 weeks in July and August. I'm not sure the company will allow me to be gone so many times in a season. Things are not definite. The World Jazz Congress in the US will be a great opportunity but I don't wanna disappoint my friend yet again. Plus, if I am cast in a good role, they may not let me go at all. Shucks!
I also missed my godchild's baptism two saturday's ago. I had promised to go. And, in most cases, when I say I will go, I do. I planned to leave after class and comeback in time for rehearsal. But I needed to prepare the production details for the following day (the day I had 4 shows) and learn an entire dance sequence where I have a featured solo for BP's school recital. I didn't make it. My godchild, Naomi, is my college buddies daughter. A really good friend. Double Shucks!
It doesn't help that my non-artist friends earn a million times more that I do. Their lifestyle is not easy to match. Not that I want to match it. I just want to be able to pay my way whenever we meet.
Must I lose my friends over my craft? I don't want that. No.
3 comments:
Aaawww, I know how you feel *big hugs for you* I think everybody passes this stage at least once in their lifetime (specially if one is in some kind of a transition period). No matter how hard it is to balance career and personal life, I think you wont have to lose anything over another or gain one thing at the expense of another (hope Im making sense there :-P) You may not notice it, but somehow you'll be able to find ways to make these 2 areas of your life meet half way.
If I may just say...
breathe...hang in there...and take one day at a time
God Bless! Take care always!
everybody's moving to singapore! ack! i wanna go too!! hehehe.
on a more serious note, don't worry too much about compromising one (important) aspect of your life over another equally important one. but think of them as complementing each other, not competing. try to strike a balance. afterall, too much work and no play is bad for you ;-P
miss you, peej!
it's not easy to find that happy medium but it's there. and whenever you feel like you just wanna quit looking for it, make me your example. i survived 2 years in ccp (in the same company you belong to now) without having to sacrifice my social life. how and where i got the money to be in malate 3 nights a week, i still couldn't figure out until now. but i had the best of both worlds. :-)
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