Entry #1
Saturday night, I watched a concert featuring the music of Ariel Arambulo entitled "Music for Christ." It was a beautiful night filled with music, prayer, and truth.
His music was dedicated to Christ and Mary, friends, teachers and to people that have suffered. The program began with a Christmas Suite. This was followed by a suite that included music about being forsaken to a tribute to his wife. There was a playful violin number and a fear-inducing sound collage. A young girl sang a song about the child victims of the 'mushroom cloud' in Japan. A tribute to Mary and a lullaby for Jesus was also in the program. The ending was a song number about the beginning of the Christmas season.
The program was arranged in such a way that a cycle kept repeating. The music featured began joyously turned melancholy and despairing then changed color to full of hope and finally glorious. It was a cycle that repeated around three times whether the music stood alone or in a suite. This cycle kept me on the edge of my seat. My body was listening to the music and each chord struck a vein. What helped was the people beside me were also listening with their ears, minds and hearts wide open. This compounded the energy of the music.
It has been quite a long time since I have been in the audience. Normally, I am one of the performers or my friends or my students are. As part of the receiving end of the show, I was in rhapsody. The performers were technically capable of the requirements of the music, but, more than that, they were truthful. They were not performing merely notes. I like to term how they performed as "baring their souls." Or the souls of the characters they portray. And that is what I look for in a performance. That is what I do when I perform. And there they were. Naked in their music. And that's all that mattered. I had a little piece of paradise in that concert. Bravo!
Entry #2
How does one cope with regret?
Previously, I wrote about living life without regrets. I think it was something my Social Science professor impressed upon our class --- not having regrets. From what I recall, it was something Nietzsche said. Now, who would believe someone who said God does not exist? Someone who didn't believe in God, right. But, ala Peter Pan, I do believe.
My professor was someone who didn't believe in God. Surprising was the fact that he was once a seminarian. He once believed. But for him there was only one true Christian, Jesus. And, if he or anyone couldn't emulate the life of Jesus, then he couldn't be a priest or Christian for that matter.
Like him, there were times that I didn't believe. It was better not to believe. I did not have to reconcile my preference for the same sex with my faith. But, every time, I keep going back. Still, I cannot reconcile the lifestyle I want to lead with the life dictated by the book.
In this vein, I am faced with a dilemma. Is this my fault? Or my parents? The world's? or God's? I do not know. I just know I have regrets. My fair share. And I don't just cope. I live with it. This has been my life.
I am plainly hopeful for 2007.
No comments:
Post a Comment