Williams, Tennessee and Saroyan

"... the public Somebody you are when you "have a name" is a fiction created with mirrors and that the only somebody worth being is the solitary and unseen you that existed from your first breath and which is the sum or your actions and so is constantly in a state of becoming under your own violation... What is good? The obsessive interest in human affairs, plus a certain amount of compassion and moral conviction, that first made the experience of living something that must be translated into pigment or music or bodily movement or poetry or prose or anything that's dynamic and expressive - that's what's good for you if you're at all serious in your aims." -Tennessee Williams

I was in a mall earlier. I was having something made for a friend's birthday gift and had to wait thirty minutes for the thing to be done. In those thirty minutes' I was walking around the mall and saw things that interested me, but I didn't want to spend. No. I couldn't spend. The whole month of January' I didn't have any income save for 500 pesos. It was all money out. I totally have to rely on my parents, and I do not wish to live that way. It actually feels horrible. But what am I to do?

Before going home I read the introduction to Tennessee Williams' "The Glass Menagerie." The introduction was first published in "The New York Times." It was written three years after the success of the play. It was aptly entitled "The Catastrophe of Success." Here' Tennessee describes how having success can corrupt.

He could now afford to live in a suite in a first-class hotel. He had hundred dollar suits. Have steaks for dinner. But, in all that success, something felt wrong. He thought all he needed was to get readjusted. But the acculturation he was hoping for didn't come. Instead, averse reactions came to fruition. The luxury seemed "revolting... and there was a disenchantment." He hard a hard time deciphering the real from the hypocrite. He reveals the stark contrast of the before success Tennessee and the successful playwright. He writes "The sort of life that I had previous to this popular success was one that required endurance, a life of clawing and scratching along a sheer surface and holding on tight with raw fingers to every inch of rock higher than the one caught hold of before, but it was a good life because it was the sort of life for which the human organism is created." He was successful. Yes. But it felt crummy and unreal. Everything felt superficial and, hence, he could not operate normally (whatever that is). He called what he felt a "spiritual dislocation."

After an eye operation, he moved to Mexico, like the eye operation opened up his brain and heart to the current situation. He went to a place to forget all the "false dignities and conceits imposed by success." He relinquishes his "public self" so his "natural being" could resume living. He got out. Fortunately for him and us, he did so. Others get so blinded by fame and all that glitters. All that was gold fades and all that is left are illusions. If he didn't do that we wouldn't have the classic "A Streetcar Named Desire." More success for Tennessee.

Tennessee actually goes as far as equating success with the lack of conflict in life where everything is handed to you on a silver platter. Man needs to have conflict. Needs to struggle. "The heart of man, his body and his brain, are forged in a white-hot furnace for the purpose of conflict (the struggle of creation)."

You can see now why most old folks don't want to quit doing things. They have to have a purpose for living. They have to keep doing something whether it's Rotary, taking care of their grandchildren or the garden, or even just playing Mahjong. Otherwise, they become lethargic or degenerate much faster than someone of the same age living an active lifestyle. We all need active lifestyles doing what we love whether it is art, performing or raising a family.

I guess my life right now is really active. Hectic, even. A struggle. And I love it. I will overcome. No money in the bank? I'm still ok.

Tennessee quoted William Saroyan. "In the time of your life --- live!" This is our time. This is my time. I claim that. You should, too.