Thursday, May 31, 2007

2 F's

Today, I was part of a Dance workshop where we had to do movement improvisations on fragility (weakness) and fear. It wasn't easy. Being honest as someone else is easy. Being honest about yourself is not.

I was really afraid. I didn't know what to do, how to do it. I'm used to portraying characters and roles. Like being truthful as an actor living a part or being honest to the music. But it was hard to be honest about myself. To my friends I can be honest because they get to know me as the days and years go by. And I open up little by little. But to open yourself up to your peers in a two day workshop is hell to do.

I attempted and really tried my best. Rhea, a peer and personal friend, commended me for trying to be honest and for going outside my comfort zones. But I believe I failed. I wasn't as clear as I should have been.

The workshop proved fruitful because it brought about this awareness. Still I wouldn't know what to do, how to do it...

Fear and Fragility. Yes, I am afraid. Yes, I am fragile... We all are.

Torn - Time to Laugh

Saturday, May 26, 2007

axis

by Patrick John Rebullida
May 2007

bobbing heads sway right and left
a steady rhythm as the city goes past
a false witness breaks the ice
i wasn't listening, i was watching
waiting for the perfect moment

pull over and stop for a standing ovation
a procession from the back to the front
to the outside
ten miles down the river I go
i have to walk a little back
the axis breaks out into four

East ...
with a mattress on the floor, a buffet of eggplants
and a baby waiting to be born
South ...
full of dirty dishes and cable television 24/7
smoke fills the cabinets
North ...
an empty sala and a waxed cement floor
there is rest after 4 flights of stairs
West ...
an uncharted country, beckons and waits
the kindle has been set ablaze

i look to the sky and map out my direction
cross out the inane and place the sacrifice on the altar
the bobbing heads will keep bobbing
i'll be riding that current

This breaks my rule as to not publish my poems on-line. But i really wanted to write a blog entry. This came out. I couldn't write anything else.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

wonderful surprise

yesterday, i received a call... long-distance... it was wonderful surprise.

a friend was worried i wasn't doing well after reading my blog. he just wanted to make sure I was ok.

nice! it's the sort of thing that brightens one's day.

thanks, marc!

Monday, May 21, 2007

Goal

The summer is almost over. The CCP Dance School has officially wrapped up and the Steps recital is next week. The sun is still hot but every now and then I see and feel a drizzle of cool rain. Unfortunately, i didn't attain my goal for the summer. I wanted to be promoted to Company Member. I worked hard and delivered a very-much appreciated performance, but it was not enough.

So now I am on a mission. I will work harder than everyone else, memorize faster, stretch to the moon, and inject more artistry to my dancing that they CAN'T NOT promote me. I may have started late but everyone watch out. I'm gonna run the race.

But that is not my only goal. And I don't have to be a company member to do this. I believe that I am a dancer who brings life to every moment on stage whether in stillness or in a frenzy. My goal is bring this to the fore, explore each facet and go beyond every expectation. Truthful, honest, and exposed in all its glory.

I need this. I need to remind myself of this. I want to fly to the moon. And even if I land on the sky or even on the roof. I'll still be higher than where I used to be.


April 15, '59

Rudi (Rudolph Nureyev),

The magic of a dance, young man, is something purely accidental. The irony of this is that you have to work harder than anyone else for the accident to occur. Then, when it happens, it is the only thing in your life guaranteed never to happen again. This, to some, is an unhappy state of affairs, and yet to others, it is the only ectasy. Perhaps, then, you should forget everthing I have said to you and remember only this: The real beauty in life is that beauty can sometimes occur.

----Sasha

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Heroes

To do what is right we sometimes have to give up our dreams even if it's what we want the most. Sacrifice. For me, the ones who sacrifice themselves for others are the real heroes. The world needs heroes. They help us hold on one second more. I can't be my own hero. And I feel my parents and best friends are not enough. I need a hero.